HollywoodZAP » 2007

ALL HAIL OPRAH�S INTERN

Mar 26, 2007 Celebrity News

Tara Conner�s Reign as Miss USA is over. Oprah�s intern takes her place.

Well, we knew this was going to happen.

Tara Conner, or as I like to call her: The Fun Miss USA, is gone. . .

Now begins the dynasty that is Oprah.

Oprah’s intern won Miss USA? Let me guess… she’s gonna try and replace the swimsuit competition with a book club round table, and final bring on world peace.

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ELISHA IS GETTING PUNISHED

Mar 23, 2007 Movie News, Celebrity News

In the wake of a public outcry against Los Angeles billboards and New York taxicab tops advertising the upcoming movie “Captivity” with images of the abduction, torture and death of a young woman (Cuthbert), the film’s producer said it will take down the offending ads Tuesday.

I don�t see what the big deal is. Even the movie poster above is being changed to the one below. Why?

Wait, I need to write more later because my wife has gotten out of her chain collar, through the broken glass surrounding her cage, and is running down the street in her torn white T-shirt. Damn, she�s a regular Houdini.

I added some old photos to remind you how well she fills out a dress. . .

I love that poster! It’s the new craze in burials. No longer will we but people in boxes in the ground…

Now you can watch dead loved ones decompose the natural way! Introducing “The Body Tank.” Imagine the joy you and your family will get seeing Grandma, Grandpa, or even Mom & Dad decomposing right in front of your eyes! With easy home installation, and natural dirt, “The Body Tank” is a must for your family. Educational & Fun!

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ANNE HATHAWAY LOOKING ‘SMART’

Mar 23, 2007 Anne Hathaway, Movie News, Celebrity News

They’re remaking the 60’s TV show Get Smart into a movie, but to me no one can replace the original cast. Certainly not the man himself.

Although, Anne Hathaway is a good choice because now I will have to go see this movie in the theater, buy the DVD, purchase the movie poster, spend money on the merchandise, etc.

Damn you Anne, I’m smitten.

The “Man himself” Jack? What… are you some sort of Don Adams fan? You president of his fan club? Where you a big “Get Smart” fan? What are you… 50 years old? You have some sort of shoe phone fetish? Don’t want to destroy the sanctity of multiple closing doors?

Dude… Steve Carell is playing the new Maxwell Smart, and he’s hilarious. Now Matthew Broderick destroying Inspector Gadget… THAT was a sin.

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WINONA NEEDS A FIX

Mar 23, 2007 Movie News, Celebrity News

I don�t know what I can possible say about this. I doubt you are even reading these words, or know they exist on the page next to these wonderful snapshots.

All I can think of to say is, �You�re welcome.� And �My pleasure� And �Thank God I�m a man.�

Those globes are incredible, but I was almost blinded by the white glare coming from her cleavage. Winona is whiter than Casper. If you look closely, you can almost see her lung. I think she is transparent.

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VIVICA A. DRUNK

Mar 22, 2007 Celebrity News

Vivica A. Fox arrested for drunken driving Tuesday night after California Highway Patrol officers clocked her going 80 mph and observed her drifting in and out of her lane on Los Angeles’ 101 Freeway. The Soul Food star failed field sobriety tests and her blood-alcohol level registered above the 0.08 percent legal limit, per the CHP’s arrest report. Fox was booked at Van Nuys Jail and released on her own recognizance.

Oh Vivica!!! You are my Nubian Princess, baby!

I love you no matter what you do! Please call me. Please. Please�

Sorry, what�s going on now? I�ve loved Vivica since Booty Call, I can�t help it.

Another one bites the dust. The L.A.P.D. nabs these celebs so easily these days, it must be like shooting fish in a barrel. And I just love this story because this time around (surprise) the cops actually nabbed someone speeding, and not pulling out of a bar parking lot.

Vivica was upset after getting kicked of “Dancing with the Stars”, I can just imagine how belligerent shewas after getting pulled over!