HollywoodZAP » 2007

HAYDEN PANETTIERE GOIN’ COOKIN’

Mar 21, 2007 Hayden Panettiere, Celebrity News

Hayden Panettiere at Mercedes Benz Fashion Week.

Okay, I�m a guy. I admit I have zero fashion sense. But doesn�t this look like an apron to you?

Fry me up a couple of burgers Hay. Cause lookin� at you makes me hungry.

Jack, you may look at that outfit and think “apron.” I look at that outfit and think “easy access.” My pants are getting tight just thinking that Hayden’s glorious chest is only one tiny piece of fabric away. I could almost reach out and pull that shoestring tie in the back open… Awww damn. Not again. Where’s the lube?

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BROOKE HOGAN’S PECKS

Mar 21, 2007 Celebrity News

Brooke Hogan, daughter of Hulk Hogan, at Nikki Beach, Miami.

See what steroids does to you? It makes it so that your kids have small boobs.

I mean, Hulk himself could fill a bra way better than his daughter.

Do us all a favor, people. Get off the �roids so we can appreciate your daughters better!

Poor Brooke. The irony is, that Hulk Hogan had two kids. His son is a skinny little wimp, and his daughter is the one that inherited all the testosterone. But to be truthful, she kind of turns me on. I want her to body slam me. Slap me around a bit. Treat me like her man whore. Damn… where’s the lube?

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VANESSA WILLIAMS IS A STAR

Mar 21, 2007 Celebrity News

Vanessa Williams receives a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame

Are they handing these things out like candy now?

I don�t even want one of these things because it would actually hurt my rep.

Man. Reading up on it, I see that the Hollywood Walk of fame is now 5,340 miles long.

Vanessa Williams! Congratulations! You have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Too bad Winnie the Pooh got his about a year ago. That makes you look kinda like a loser.

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HALLE BERRY IS ‘PERFECT’

Mar 20, 2007 Celebrity News

Halle Berry at her Perfect Stranger premiere in Miami. March 19th

Hmmmm, Halle. Wow.

Any hot celeb that says she doesn�t mind nudity because she feels like she has already ‘made it’ is okay in my book!

What a great inspiration to those prude actresses who hide them all the time. You go girl!

Halle Berry is old. Just look at that picture. Her old crypt keeper hand reaching out to grab me. I’m gonna have nightmares. Just like I had nightmares the first time I saw her saggy boobs on the big screen. They remind me of burnt pancakes at iHop with a chocolate chip on top.

Hell, with the bras these chicks wear, they could even give ME a-cup cleavage. Chicks that are over 40 years old should keep their tops on or get a boob job. Call me when Halle gets a nip/tuck, until then, I want to enjoy my pancakes in peace.