HURRAY FOR MOMMY BOOBS!

Jamie Pressly Boobies

  Here we see the rare Trailer-Trash Species fulfilling her role in life by getting pregnant.

Say what you want about Jamie Pressly, she is looking mighty fine with her Mommy Boobs. Just hope she gets that flat stomach and trailer butt back when she’s done. . .

 
 
  Big Mommy Boobs are fine and all, but come on… they are milkers. It’s not like they are REALLY big. They are like fake boobs, only filled with milk instead of silicone. I don’t want to be sucking on one of those things and have it “go off” in my mouth. Tack that onto the fact that she has a LIVE living thing growing all up inside her cooch and the whole thing makes me queasy. Of Course Jack probably likes that kind of thing. “Pass me a boob! I need a shot o’ milk!”  

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PENELOPE CRUZ GOES FOR A DIP

Penelope Cruz Water

  Did you ever notice that Celebs point a lot? I mean seriously, every candid series of pics, there they are pointing. Politicians do it a lot too.

As for Penelope in her itsy-bitsy bikini. Meh. I’ve seen better. Jim has this whole stack of beach pics that— Oh never mind.

 
 
  Why do celebrities always look like they are having so much fun at the beach? Damn. I never have that much fun. Of course, I am usually taking pictures of 17 year old girls in bathing suits. I guess that’s fun. Besides having fun, Penelope seems to be having sexy. I mean being sexy. I wonder if she tries to do that, or it just comes naturally?  

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PAULA ABDUL DENIES HER CRAZYNESS

Paula Drunk

“American Idol” judge Paula Abdul blamed an interview with a Seattle Fox affiliate in which she appeared disoriented or even intoxicated on a lack of sleep and technical problems.

“Fatigue and exhaustion just added to the whole thing looking so disoriented,” she said. “I just can’t explain it, but for me, no excuses and no apologies. No alcohol and no drugs, absolutely no!”

  I like Paula. I do. I’ve always wanted to tag her since her “One Step Forward, One Step Back” video had that crazy animated cat in it.

The fact that she gets drunk on air then denies it to her dying day makes me want to tag her even more. That way it will be easy (thanks to the booze) and she would deny it, which saves my rep for having done Paula Abdul.

 
 
  Paula Abdul is figgin wasted out of her skull. I saw her on Entertainment Tonight last year, saying how she has had back problems for 10 years, and then got surgery to cure her. Me thinks she might have gotten a *wee* bit addicted to some happy-dappy-doolappy pills. Weeeeee!  
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ARMED & FAMOUS: CANCELLED.

CBS has tossed “Armed & Famous” into the cancellation cooler. The new reality television series, which followed five lesser-celebrities during their time as gun-carrying reserve officers of the Muncie Police Department, has been axed after four episodes.

  I’m gonna put real money on the fact that Jim has seen every episode of this show. I don’t care what he tells you, I saw it in his TiVo Season Pass.

I honestly have no clue why people watch shows like Dancing with the Stars, or Celebs on Ice (or whatever the hell it’s called). Wake up people! These shows suck. It’s about time they started getting canned. Let’s send a message to Hollywood: LEAVE REALITY SHOWS TO REAL PEOPLE! Yeah. That’s way more important than writing to your Congressman about, well, something.

 
 
  Believe it or not, even I didn’t watch this pathetic show. I mean, the show is called “Armed & Famous.” Famous? Maybe if I was a Miller High Life chugging, NASCAR fan I would know who the hell Trish Stratus was. Some wrestler… I think. Jack Ossbourne? Wee-man? Latoya Jackson? Maybe if they called the show “Armed & Washed Up, Almost, But Not Really, Alright Not At All Famous, ” somebody would have watched. Alright… probably not.  
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BRANDY: JAIL BIRD?

Brandy JailBird

The California Highway Patrol recommended Monday that actress-singer Brandy be charged with misdemeanor vehicular manslaughter in a freeway crash that killed a woman motorist last month, a city attorney’s spokesman told The Associated Press.

  You know, I met Brandy once. Well, I should say I met her entourage! Man, that girl had a ton of people hovering around her like she was some sort of celebrity. What? Oh, she is?

What Jim needs to understand is that this chick is gonna do some time. It’s not her celeb status that is causing her problem, it’s her skin tone. The good news is they found a driving glove at the scene of the accident. And as we all know, if the glove don’t fit, you must acquit. . .

 
 
  Poor Brandy. I mean a lot of people slam into the back of cars, causing a multiple car wreck resulting in a death. Okay, maybe not. But come on. The only reason they want to charge her is so that the relatives of the person that died can sue for damages. What’s Brandy gonna get? Community service? A fine? And about a 5 million dollar lawsuit. I hate to side with a spoiled celeb, but accidents happen. (Hell, Matthew Broderick killed a guy in Ireland while driving drunk, and Rebecca Gayhart killed a kid on a bike while talking on a cell phone. They got nuthin! Celeb driver RULE!)  
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